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Karen M. Holman May 12, 2022

Can You Keep Your Kids from Blaming Themselves for Your Divorce?

Even if divorce is the right decision, ending a marriage can be challenging for everyone in the family. Your children may feel angry, resentful or even hopeless. According to Psychology Today, it is also not uncommon for kids to feel responsible for the breakdown of their parents’ marriages.

Your children are probably not to blame for your divorce, of course. Still, because young people tend to think magically instead of rationally, you may need to take steps to convince your kids that they are not responsible for the end of your marriage.

Reassure Them Constantly

Being able to think rationally is something that comes with age. Even though you know your kids are not responsible for the end of your marriage, they may not see things quite the same way you do. Therefore, it is important to explicitly tell your children that the divorce is not their fault. You may have to do this more than once.

Provide a Safe Environment

Your kids may perceive the end of your marriage as a direct threat to their physical or emotional well-being. You can mitigate these thoughts by providing a safe environment for your children. Doing so probably includes both words and actions. Remember, you never can give too many hugs.

Keep the Fighting to Yourselves

As the adults in your family, you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse must model stability and security. Even if you have some legitimate beef with your husband or wife, you should try not to fight in front of the kids. After all, fighting can turn your home into a chaotic place.

Ultimately, by keeping your kids from blaming themselves for your divorce, you help them emerge from it in a mentally and emotionally healthy place.


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